i don't think i'm alone enough, or maybe i don't use my time correctly. because when i am alone i often spend my time thinking of the next time i won't be. there are moments and some days when my alone time is genuine, and what i mean by that is that i am so engrossed by whatever i am doing that i disregard life beyond whatever i am doing in the moment and i am truly just in one spot with myself. this is rare though and often i come out of it convinced i "wasted" a day that i should have been using to clean, or reset, or socialize. i used to think i wanted to die, but then eventually realized it was more accurate that i wished to be completely unreachable, and have no obligation to anything or anyone, at least for a week or two. i still sometimes daydream of it. a friend of mine went on a silent retreat that lasted days, that sounds amazing.
i have been very into the song "eulogy for you and me" by tanya davis. today i finally listened to another song of hers, "art" and i enjoy it as well and very much relate to it. not sure why i did not look further into her music earlier. i relate to it, i seem to think similarly.
list of things that are falling apart or broken:
-toilet paper roll holder
-the light fixtures above my bed
-my tea kettle
-the knobs on my stove
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